Our cat Gary is a deaf pure white cat with three legs and has a really bad attitude. Now don’t start feeling sorry for him because I can assure you he doesn’t deserve it. My husband Wayne just adores Gary, and I sort of do as well...but he does have a bad attitude.
Gary can do anything that any other able bodied cats can do and more, but you can’t be watching, if you’re watching he will come over all disadvantaged looking, cry and all of a sudden fall over because after all he only has three legs!
We have three cats in all, Trevor, he is the wise old man, also pure white, with paws the size of a lion, the most pitiful cry you have ever heard, not really a meow more of a squeek. Trevor has never been known for his speed. We joke that he is Jamaican and sits all day in a tree drinking rum and snoozing, he walks between the trailer the patio and our bed with the occasional stop for snacks, and he walks very v e r y s l o w l y, nothing to hurry about, nowhere to be, nothing to do, nobody wanting anything from me, so why rush.
Anyway back to Gary. As responsible pet owners Trevor, Chynna and Gary come in at night, except last night when Gary decided to do his disappearing act, absolutely no sign of him, it’s not as if you can call him because he’s deaf, and even if he could hear he the sort that would just ignore you.
This night we’re fast asleep when we are suddenly woken up by what sounded like a heard of monkeys running across the roof just above our bedroom, running one way then the other, then round in circles, then I swear it sounded like tap dancing on the roof...possums, we get possums, but no... we then hear this loud ear piercing screaming from the roof.
Remember Garys deaf....he doesn’t do delicate in anything let alone crying, he doesn’t do subtle he screams at the top of his voice, now this isn’t too bad during the day... but in the middle of the night it sounds like someone is being attacked by a gang of armed robbers.
Now my husband Wayne is a lovely man, doesn’t like conflict or confrontation, just wants to live life quietly not bring attention to himself in anyway hates to upset people so when he realises that it is 'his' Gary (haha ‘his’ Gary) on the roof, screaming loud enough to wake everyone within a 5 kilometre radius, he darts out of bed and before I have found my slippers he is up the ladder trying to entice Gary down from the roof.
But, did I mention that Gary is evil?
Well Gary sees Wayne out of the corner of his eye and plays the “I am deaf, and I only have 3 legs, poor me I can’t hear anyone or see anyone, it's dark and I have a limp” thing and totally ignores Wayne. Wayne gets Garys bowl of biscuits and gets back up the ladder, swaying in the wind, I get the giggles and am uncrontrollable...I always laugh when Wayne gets serious or angry!
Yay... Gary comes closer and closer looking at the biscuits, completely ignoring Wayne but looking at the biscuits, after all they do look delicious when you have been stuck on the roof for half of the night, he gets just close enough to take one of the yummy sardine and tuna biscuits but not close enough for Wayne to grab him, little sh...sausage!
This goes on for half an hour or so, he gets a little closer and a little closer, even rolls on his back, purring,looking cute, needling the air with his paws...I said he was evil, now this cat knows how long Waynes arms are and he knows exactly how far he can reach right down to the last centimetre and he keeps just of out of arms reach.
“Damn cat” Wayne fumbles down the ladder, and just as he does Gary pokes his head over the edge of the roof purring and rubbing himself on the top of the ladder...suckers....then as soon as Wayne gets on the ladder he hobbles away...and rolls on his back. Eventually with Wayne at the top of the ladder, I get up the ladder behind him and we set a little trail of biscuits that leads right to the edge of the guttering, it works... he come right up to the edge of the guttering, Wayne grabs him by the scruff of the neck but not before Gary latches on to the edge of the guttering with his claws, he starts screaming and wailing at the top of his voice like someone is trying to kill him, I start laughing again, nearly wetting myself, Wayne is swearing, I manage claw by claw to unwrap his nails from the edge of guttering, each time I do he latches on with the other paw so we have to start all over again, all the while balancing half way up the ladder, we finally get him down, exhausted, dirty and totally stressed, we literally throw Gary inside, by the time we get down the hall and into bed Gary is there purring and wanting some lovin...I get the cold shoulder for laughing and Gary gets the lovin! Bloody cat!